我此刻的心情。。

we shall see..

no choice but to accept the decision.you make me leave without giving any reason today and we shall see who will survive in the end.周老头，我们走着瞧吧。风水轮流转，将来我相信你的亲人也会遭到同样的对待。不是工作不适合我而是我不屑你这份工。。

一年后。。

一年后。。

去年的今天是开心的。那一年后的我们还是一样的吗？从原来的期待变成落寞。真的是因为大家都变了吗？还是大家的共同点已不在了？你累，那我呢？你说你无助，那我呢？你常说你了解一切的一切，你真的懂吗？明天还会有彩虹吗？

just a normal girl.

just a normal girl.

Comparison.I never wanted this word to be in my life.Cause it bothers a person so much.I always think that i'm just a normal girl who will be easily forgotten by people around.So i tend to give my best to impress people.But sometimes i just failed so badly.I never want to compare.But the thoughts just flash across.Do you know it hurts even more when you are the 当事人。really..it really hurts..

''First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity..''

终究还是选择坦然接受..都过去了。

A friend in need, is a friend indeed.

“A friend in need, is a friend indeed.”

a friend of mine posted this on my fb. I dont know what was my reaction at first. Console perhaps. I tried my best to keep track with the friends surrounding me. But is way too tiring. Too many things happen this few months and I would say things changed. I tried my best to be with the friends that needed help or somebody to talk to but I guess I failed. Dont know but I just failed. Like I always say, no matter what happen, be it u need someone to talk to or what, i'm just a phone call away.

Same routine almost everyday. How nice. I dont know what should I do to change the routine. I want go back studies. But the next intake for the courses I want will only release next year. ): whether will get in or not is another thing. Sigh. Studies are really imp towards ur future. It makes a different regardless u have a diploma or not. Sometimes I really envy those friends of mine that working now with a diploma. At least their work environment is so much better than me.whatever, I just need to strive and motivation myself abit harder in order to go back studies. Then my earning will increase and I guess by then I can lessen my family's burden ba. Is really scary when ur financial is tight. Oh well..

you are my forever bestie no matter what happens. I missed the days we used to be.

distance.

distances.

did you notice the distances? btw the word me & you. i just saw it.. does it really helps when you confess your thoughts to the person you really care? i dont know. it seems like it never helps.and what's more..

we were once a kids 10 years back..

we were once a kids 10 years back..

was that what we call puppy love when we were young back then?10 years. indeed, it changes everyone's life.i found him.and i thought he is doing real good.but he's not.he used to protect me when we were young.friends envy me.but those were the memories.that wont come back anymore..i prayed hard that god will watch over him, give him strength to find back the life that he wants..

long lost friend,10 years.

long lost friend,10 years.

how is it to feel like, if u found a friend who u havent meet for the past 10 years?
i dont know. somehow the feeling is wierd.

你愿意听我说故事吗？

你愿意听我说故事吗？

我有很长很长的故事，但却不知从何说起。
就当我准备要说时，又有几个人愿意听我把它说完呢？
心中的无奈又能和谁说呢？是你吗？还是你？
有人说我换了工作以后，变了。是啊，在不同的环境下，不变很难。。是好事吗？
我不是对我自己不好，而是我不知道该如何对自己好。。
常为他人着想却忘了自己的存在，这就是我。不管他人怎样想，只要认为对他们是好的，我就会去做。有时候换来的不是感激而是蹁体麟伤。习惯了。
很累了，有种想嫁的感觉，但没能力。
很累了，有种想放个长假的感觉，力不从心。
很累了，有种想独自离开的感觉，但放不下。
何时？
不是悲观，只是累了。

i miss the past..

i miss the past..

somehow or rather i miss the me in the past.. the one who runs up and down the bloody building like a chicken without a head. the one who was on leave yet called secretly to mamm to ask whether everything was ok.. the one who does all the things herself just to make sure nothing goes wrong. the one who brings back all the document home to key and send email. the one who never off her phone even on sundays just to prevent ppl who are helping her keying the order can reach her. the one who stayed up late just to finish up every single order.. last but not least, the one who neglect her bf just because of those work!oh fcuk! i misses those times..i rather had myself busy yet enjoyed myself with the company of the colleagues than not enjoying what i'm doing now. i'm not being forgetful. is just that diff instruction passed around and yet i dont know which is which. who is not interested in what she or he ought to be doing? you were the one who instructed me to finish up ur thing then do other thing. it has been 5 mnths! yet i learned nothing.it became a phobia now whenever passenger walk in. cause i know nothing and i'm always not ready to serve them. the little interest and motivation that i have in the begining disappear literally.我的委屈没人知..i try to convinced myself that everything will be fine.but it seems like is not as fine as i thought it will be..it was a wrong decision in the first place.and i know i cant leave now.if i leave,this 5 mnths will be a waste..endure is all i can do now..but how to when i'm in this kind of environment?sigh...unspoken words..

Not happy

Back from holiday.and the feeling of coming back sucks!I want long holiday..):did I got myself a wrong job?or should I say the wrong company?yes.I'm not happy with what I'm doing now.no clique no nothing.for some moments,I miss starhub.is just the start and I feel like giving up.can I just go again?somehow I really don't like my job..really.

finally know the meaning of treasure..

finally know the meaning of treasure..

i never really understand the meaning of the word treasure until these few days.my memories with him was only the childhood days.and that is it.i never thought that i will teared when we walk him the last journey.yes.he passed away.peacefully i guess.i cried when i received my mum's call.memories tend to flash back.he used to call my name whenever i'm back in malaysia.he must be relieved now without all the needles on his body and so on.that day when we walk him the last journey,it rains.was he touched by us or?i began to realized the importance of the word treasure.many stages in life that we need to walk thru.be it the death of ur love ones or knowing that ur love ones are leaving u.i thought i wont be easily affected but i was wrong.his death made me realized life is fragile.and he made me realized everyone that enters my life i ought to treasure.be it enemies or good friends.he wasnt that close to me..but his death certainly bring me back to sense..is not too late to treasure now if u havent started..

to my beloved uncle:一路走好。希望你在另一个国度能开开心心过着你要的生活。
to u.:be strong alright..this is one of the stages u ought to go thru.and i believe ur grandma doesnt wish to see u with ur swollen eyes.give me a call if u need someone to talk to..love ya babe.
to hpy:happy one year anniversary! cheer up alright.no matter what makes u down,i hope time will cure everything.enjoy the trip next week.是时候好好的宠一宠自己了。(:

all planned and done!

all planned and done!

checklist!

• airtickets booked!
• train tickets booked!
• hotel booked!
• leaves applied and approved!
• needs to keep myself in good shape before leaving

i wanted a different bday this year.celebrating outside singapore. is not a very big occasion but i just want to treat myself well.as years goes by,i realised memories are more imp than celebration.and yes.i want it to be special this year.i look forward to that day.the day that i will make it special..

I should be sleeping now..

i should be asleep now..

plenty of thoughts that make me can't sleep.I wanted to spell it all to u,but i don't know how should I start it.shall kept all these to myself ba.cause I don't know how to starting telling u...the feeling of crying alone in the night sucks...

How is it to feel like?

how is it to feel like..

I remember the other time when I saw him,he was still ok.cycling around the kampong.talking back to my grandma.but now,he is lying flat in the hospital motionlessly.mum said she got a shock when she visited him.and there's 50 percent chances of surviving.just because he took the wrong medicine?or was it because his illness relapse?what was the cause?nobody knows.my aunt doesn't want to let his son know what happen.the only son of his.why don't let him know?just because he is too weak to know all these?don't bring regret to ur life if something happens..it will be too late.人生真的无常啊。

I don't know why do I have the courge to msg u.perhaps is the medicine that helps ba.I realized one sided guessing will really caused the game to over..u are not the one who is naive.is me who caused you to hurt the most..

Time changes everything..

Time changes everything

I realized we weren't the one that change the memories.it was time that make each of the memories change and even drift us apart.busy was always the excuses.disheartening was often how I feel.but who can I tell?who can we really trust when u feel like leaning on a person?don't ever say u will always be there when u have too many to care.cause this will leads to disappointment when a person really in needs of u but u weren't there..everything just don't seems to feel right..

was the friendship so fragile?

was the friendship so fragile? 

 

 

 

 

 

''When friends stop being frank and useful to each other, the whole world loses some of its radiance.''

sometimes i ponder whether can we turn back time and i know the ans is never ever.since we cant turn the time back,and why not we learn to treasure what we had now?fragile is the word that i thought we will never come across in our friendship.but it seems like i was wrong.u 2 were the ones that i love the most during bqt days.remember the times we joke,lame,sing,kfc,.etc together?have u all really forgotten the times that we use to have together?one sided guessing was the one that makes the whole game over.i use to try my best to save the brotherhood btw u 2.and i succeed in doing so.but now..everything went back to the square one again.dont disappoint gu ma ppl.i dont want to lost the friendship we had together.i misses the chalet times.the bbq times.the heart to heart chat.only the both of u can bring back the times.dont lost faith in the friendship hao ma?

Sick ah..

sick ah

Weater is bad recently.I'm down with flu this 2 days.):mc ytd.sigh..heard Vivian gotten into unlv le.happy for her la.that feeling of gotten into the sch that u aiming for is really great.how I wish I'm the one who gotten in..sigh..nevertheless still happy for her.(:weekend finally arrived.and I have decided to gO for window shopping tml.needs to pamper myself a little le oh..going to turn in early tonight..nights earthlings.(:

Weekend is drawing nearer..

the same routine that makes each of us hoping for the weekend to draw nearer..how nice can it be if there's a hope button in our life? haha

all i need was just a place to escape..

 all i need was just a place to escape..

till now,i'm still pondering over last night.the last eye contact.i told myself is over just like what zhun man said.thinking that he is much more happier,and i should feel relieve.与其哭泣，倒不如深深的祝福他。but can my tears really stop dropping?to know how ur once lover is doing after so many years,certainly hurts..esp he is so near you and yet so far apart..

the drawing that will always kept in my heart.

the drawing that will always kept in my heart.

the qns.the ans.i get to know and asked all today.and i know some things no matter whether is true or not,it doesnt really matter now.the feelings will always remain at 3 years back.and is not coming back anymore.the pinch of hope that was clinging there disappear today..putting a full stop to every story certainly hurts.wasnt it?goodbye my almost lover.祝福你。

她仍然深信着

等待是一生最初的苍老。

我到底在等待什么？我到底还在深信着什么？他结婚了。这是不会更改的事实。我好想放声的大哭一场。心里堆了三年多想和他说的话，现在应该是没机会了吧。时间快点到来，我好想去放假。好想忘掉眼前的一切。。啊～～

sometimes i hope u was there to understand me to console me to agree with what i say..but..

u are the fren that i yearn for..disappoint me no more.

Holiday is so near.(:

Holiday is so near.(:

had finally decided to give myself a break from everything.guess am really
tired.the same routine repeating itself again and again everyday makes me really tired.haven't been treating myself well lately I guess.I want go sing kbox!!haha!sudden craving for that.guess I'm going to la la land soon.nights peeps.

Once a broken heart,forever the scar will be.

三年前的笑容已不在了。

三年前的笑容已不在了。




有些时候当你认为这世界是那么大时，其实它一点都不大。有些时候当你认为你不可能和某人相遇时，你却遇上了。其实缘分是很奇妙的对吧？当事情发生时，我们却总说不上为什么，而我们能做的却是逃避。这就是人类。那天我以为隔了三年多的他出现了，心仿佛停止似的。满脑子都是问号。是他吗？我一直重复的问了自己。就当那个人抬头时，我才发现是我看错了。表妹问了我，如果那个人真的是他，你会怎么样？我回答说我应该只会默默的看着他然后离去吧。我还是和三年前的我一样，没那个勇气面对他。是注定的吗？还是我们真的没那个缘分？回家的旅途都会经过我们曾经的回忆，心不仅伤感了起来。三年多了，他应该和女友很幸福吧？真的好想他，好想和他说对不起。好想和他说清楚一切的一切。。那晚，我无意间找到了他的。一时之间，我的心真的停止跳动了。是他。泪珠不仅流了下来。。三年多的思念啊。。我终于看到了他。情绪很不稳的我好想他啊。。当年是他把我让给了现在的男友，独自离开。。好想去找他但我知道我不能那么自私。我心里清楚的明白缘分已尽是没办法回来的。。看到他的照片，三年前的笑容已不在了。。而我的笑容也好像不曾回来过。。。

too long.

Havent been blogging for like so long.work has been up and down for the past few weeks.sometimes i ponder whether was the job the right one for me?but i kept convincing myself that i can do it.bbq steamboats chilling session and all sorts of activities that i always did have lessen.in fact all i would do now is home straight after work.or dinner with baby.shutting myself to my own world wasnt what i expect i would do..

songs that kept replaying from my iphone.memories tend to flash back again and again.my heart seems to be aching and i starts to question myself:''was it worth it?''u always thought i will get angry with u when u are close with him and do not know how to protect urself.yes.i'm angry.not because u are close with him but because u do not know how to take care of urself.to be honest if i were to angry because of him,i would already did that when my tears dropped after i turn my head and say goodbye to u after the steamboat.u never know how it feels to be cheated again and again.i never want to mention this here but this thoughts have been in my heart for long.dear friend,i really pray hard that one day u would really know how to protect urself.all i can do as a friend is to worry and worry and worry.i'm not u.i dont know how u feel if u were to always kept urself in ur world.我不知道我还能说什么，就只能期望上天能守护你..

take care.

心灰意冷

心灰意冷

the little wish note that i found on the floor while mopping in my room.there it goes:-

''明年我要和婆婆一起过生日。dalton ♥ iris.‘’

he wrote me this on his bday last year.and i guess the only person that can help him to fulfill will be me.silly of him brought me flowers today.advanced valentine day.sometimes i thought to myself that is time to find back the love we use to have.no one can understand me like he does.是时候好好的去爱会他了。。

你将会是我第一个想删除的回忆和人。对你，我的心早已心灰意冷。不再对你有任何期望。因为期望越大失望就越大。。

是你让我觉的我很笨。

是你让我觉的我很笨。

all along i thought i can believe in ur words.but i was wrong.dont come near me if u think that u are not the one that i can rely on.had enough of u.ur character.ur coolness.ur猜不透的心.enough.u always say i can endure ur alot of things.but have u wonder how does it really feel for a person to endure everything that is in u!i hope so much that u can see what i wrote here so that u know for the least how i feel..i praying really hard that i will learn how not to being affected by u.曾经的我以为你把我的笑容给找回来了可是残忍的你却有一次的将它夺走！我讨厌你！！

Often.

often

often i thought i can be strong enough to keep my feelings.but i was wrong.am i being too silly to be in front of them or?sometimes i wonder so what i dont look fine?so what i dont seems to be happy?who can i turn to at the end of the day?all i could reply was dont worry i will be fine.no worries i'm ok.this is the only way that i can hide my feelings/my emotional.had so much things inside my heart..can i spill it out all?is there a medicine can be eaten in order for me to forget those selective memories?

will be meeting sf this coming tues and wed.i miss her and i got so much to talk to her..my health is getting from bad to worst.i'm worried.no one notice it.i just hope nothing will happen to me..praying real hard..

Dislike.

Dislike.

just left starhub for like a week.the feeling is good.for the least i am being motivated to strive for my goals again.new company was alright.for both the colleagues and nice boss.just that abit stress cause of i do not have any experience in tourism sector.is ok..i will work hard to it.

went to ah soon's 21st bday celebration.feels great to see lots of my sec sch mates.=Dsomehow i just misses those days in sch with them.):movie session with him before heading down to ah soon party.as usual..the uncertain feeling seems to be there.no matter how much unpleasant things he said me i just smile and look away.i ignore the things that he said.he can be the one that i wanted to rely much..but he also can be the person that i dont want to close with.contradicting isnt it?he dont make me feels like a princess each time i go out with him..sigh.at times i wonder.why cant he treat me like a princess a little?why cant he make my day by making me smile?why cant he assure me that i can rely on him if i want to?why cant he...was it because of our age gap?this is the first time that my feeling is so certain that he is not the one i can rely on.not anymore.

nights peeps.

do you know..

do you know..

i got so much to say out from my heart..but i just dont know how to express it out through here.do you know i teared just because i hate the way u talk to me now.do you know how i feel when i start to struggle in finding topics to talk to you?do you know somehow it hurts when we werent talking like the way we do last time?and do you know i'm so sensitive in every of ur words?and do you really know...the feeling of dropping from high floor?i bet none of the thing u seems to know..cause u arent me and u will never ever stand in my shoe and think,,never for the least i thought..u no longer the person that will make iris smile when she is down..

can we turn back the time to the happy moments and stop there?the memories tend to fade away now....

Tendered.

Tendered.

Final decision is up. letter has been officially submitted to my boss on the 15th january. and i will be leaving on the 29th. if u were to ask me whether i will regret on the decision i made, the ans is no. i've been dragging on to my decision. is really time to bid goodbye to the place where i thought i will enjoy myself there..i'm sorry. i just wish to find back myself with the long lost smile..and this is one of the solution that will bring me back.

will be registering my studies hopefully this month. and praying hard that all things will be settled..god,u will be with me right?

i cant help it..

i cant help it..

情歌

习惯是琥珀泪一滴滴被反锁
情书在不朽淹没成沙漏

青春的上游白云飞走藏够雨还有
闪过的念头潺潺地流走
命运好幽默让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙换一颗红豆

回忆如困兽
寂寞太久而渐渐温柔
放开了拳头反而更自由

慢动作千卷胶卷重播默片
定格一瞬间

我们在告别的演唱会
说好不再见
你写给我我的第一首歌
你和我十指紧扣
默协前奏
可是呢然后呢
还好我又握着一首情歌
轻轻地轻轻哼着哭着笑着
我的天长地久
命运好幽默让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙换一颗红豆

回忆如困兽
寂寞太久而渐渐温柔
放开了拳头反而更自由

长镜头越来越远越来越远
时隔好几年
我们在怀念的演唱会
礼貌地吻别

你写给我
我的第一首歌
你和我十指紧扣
默协前奏
可是呢然后呢
还好我又握着一首情歌
轻轻地轻轻哼着哭着笑着
我的天长地久

陪我唱歌清唱你的情歌
舍不得短短副歌
心还热着也该告一段落
还好我又握下一首情歌
是你宛如轻轻的像涌的河
永远天长地久

You shouldnt be in my picture.get lost will u????

New year.New begining.New resolution.

New year.New begining.New resolution.

2010 finally arrive and i guess everyone is hoping it to arrive quickly.so am i.looking back at 2009, i guess i wasted it totally.

year2009- things i did not achieve ):

-didnt manage to save up money.
-didnt manage to get a car license when i told myself to get it after my 21st bday
-didnt manage to get into the sch that i longing for(which this hurt me the most)
-didnt treasure the love ones beside me much.
-didnt manage my time well this year.
didnt manage to change my temper. and is still as bad as last time. worst.
-didnt manage to go taiwan during my 21st bday when i promised myself to go.):
-too much of emotion that i almost fallen apart.
-lesser time for my family.

i guess these were the main ones that i didnt get to achieve in 2009.sigh.looking at it really make me sad la.such a failure isnt it?but some things i manage to achieve during 2009.

year2009- things i  achieved(:

-the great friendship that i found with xue feng in starhub. i still remember that i quite scare of her cause she look damn fierce.but guess what,she is my bff now.and i'm glad she is one of the friend with a pure heart that i can rely on.thanks dear.bff alright?(:
-the great friendship that i found with HPY.she was a total stranger to me during my bday bbq.and all i could remember vividly was she is very 暧昧with my dadi.LOL.and guess what,now we become hpy!was it fate that bring us this friendship?oh well..i thank god for that.=D
-9 years of friendship with my sec sch friends.i once thought i no longer able to get hold of them anymore..but i was wrong.we are still as close as what we are 9 years back.and i guess i'm still counting on..no matter what happen.
-finally completed shatec cert. and i gotten the tiger scholarship with my own ability.humbs up!
-made me see thru so many things within this entire 2009.all the lies.all the fake-ness.all the stories that cover one thing and another up.make me realise ppl with wild heart dont create a friendship.

things that happen in 2009 still stays very clearly in my mind and heart.and i guess is time to bid goodbye to the past and welcome the fture.revolving in the past doesnt make a person grow up,isnt it?is time for me to let go of the past and i mean it.i want a fruitful 2010 and future. i want to treasure the love ones beside me before it is too late.

2010 resolution
-a better health
-losing to my ideal weight.60?(:
-better time management with my family friends him work and hopefully study.
-get settle down quickly with my studies.
-is time to bid goodbye to STARHUB.and is ASAP.
-get a new job soonest.
-save more money.
-applying for driving license.
-going taiwan during my bday.
-a change in my temper.

i have listed the main resolution of mine for this year.how bout you?(:once again happy new year to all.may all of you a better year ahead.

the process that i had in 2009 has stopped.

the topics btw us have lessen.

i guess all those that i had were all an illusion in year 2009.

thanks for the little process.i enjoyed it.u were great indeed.(:

that's when i know i couldnt be..

that's when i know i couldnt be..

happy 3rd year anniversary.

anniversary night

he asked''will you still continue to be my GF?''

i silent.

Ytd night

he asked again''will you continue be my GF?''

this time round i answered''why dont we be good friend instead''

he said''you know i dont like you to say this.''

i said''arent you want an ans from me?''

and he changed topic after i said.

christmas had just ended.and i guess everyone is still in the jingle bell mood.had celebrated anniversary with baby last thurs.well..he gotten me an iphone.thanks sweetie.i not too sure how i'm feeling now.but one thing for sure is, i dont wish to hurt him.new year is starting.let's try this for the one last time.if everything still the same,and i'm still as selfish as what i am now,let this go alright?year 2010,why dont you move nearer?i had enough of 2009.too much to handle.too much to absorb.):starhubbers gathering later in 7 hrs time.woo!i'm so gonna lose 5 kgs before chinese new year.jia you!i musnt lose to that vivian!!!!i want 美美before chinese new year!next aim is Kose cleanses!

i knew i've been relying u much..
false hope isnt it?

hopefully.

HOPEFULLY.

had a busy day today.gladys was on course and i have to cover her.i stayed till like 9 plus.as usual i thought.was chatting with angeline just now.hahaha!i told her i'm gonna leave her soon.she was like why?dont go la.爱将，sometimes is better to go than to stay la.prayed pretty hard for this friday.and hopefully i can got it.=D

being thinking alot recently.not too sure why.images kept flashing thru my mind.is something that i wish time can stop there(:silly me of being selfish again..somehow the feeling of into the process seems to be good.hopefully i'm not thinking too much.*winks

christmas is round the corner.kind of like excited?haha.what will be my christmas night or eve be this year?something memorable?something that is different?hahaha.getting iphone pretty soon.woohoo!gotta go..nights earthlings.

Ps:-

hpy:be strong alright?i believe ur mama wouldnt want to see you in a very upset state.you should be happy for her cause she is being released by pain.be a good girl.cause ur mama is up there watching you..i love you.text me when you need someone to talk to k?(:

SF:meet up real real soon!cause i really missed you.(:you know alright.

you have changed.

 you have changed.

was it me who made you turn into a negative person?where's the man that will stand up and protect his love one?if disappearing in ur life will bring back the old you,tell me.i will do so...

Airport day.

Airport day.

went airport with him today.walking around the airport made me thinks of my relatives in malaysia.i missed them.the feeling seems to be so uncertain when walking around with him.i couldnt describe the exact feeling but it is for sure that i havent had such a feeling for long.what was it?i dont know..the moment he touches my hair,my heart beats even faster.what the hell was that i thought to myself.feeling so 小女人yet frighten the same time.have you guys had b4 this uncertain feeling?

*at that point moment i wanted the night to quickly passed..

but to think back now,i wish the night would last..can we turn back the time pls?

Starry night.

Starry night.

 
the sky that filled with stars makes a good picture.

the chalet for Dadi ended this morning.a simple stay with them.i didnt slept the whole night on friday.i guess is because i'm not use to the environment.i thought alot while lying beside him.lots of past memories flash back my mind and i told myself is over dear.bbq on the saturday night.didnt really enjoyed myself much.yes.my mood swings pretty fast that night.just want to say i dont really agrees with what u do/think sometimes.i'm sorry.u might want to say i'm a stubborn ones.but that is me.went cycling with wu gui zacky and hui chun.a short one.and it was fun.for the least i smiled.after which i went to the beach alone.sitting by the seaside really makes a person think.i teared under the starry night.how nice if time can bring me back to the past.to the time where my smile still exist.was wondering who will look for me first when i wasnt around.and i picture no one.not even her.cause i think i no longer picture myself in her friend list anymore.i guess i'm just only the 3 alphabet which means nothing.just when i thought my tears flow again with the shadow right behind me.ah kun was there.and i really thank him for finding me.for the least my tears stop dropping.followed by wugui.they really make me smile that night despite i'm feeling emo.*star=for number of stars *cruise=for number of ships.i will remember one.*winks.luckily i have them if not..wu gui brought me for clams treat.we cycle there without telling anyone.heh heh.sometimes i felt so safe to have him as my friend.he seems to know what i'm thinking.though he is fierce but for the least he made me feel protected.thanks.the short distance of walking side by side is so comfortable.u make me realise i'm being protected.didnt intend to stay so went home afterwhich.the feeling of home sweet home is so so good.overall her plans for dadi's chalet was a success one ba.everyone can see the effort she put in.da di ah,must learn how to treasure the things around u.dont wait till u lost it then is too late ah.shall stop here ba.nights..

i began not to understand the meaning of that 3 alphabet,will you define it for me again?as i'm not too sure what is it already..

take me away...

take me away...

there seems to be no one when i'm longing for a person that i can rely on..tell me what am i suppose to do when so many things kept coming in?am i really that strong enough to go through all these?stop telling me that u all are there for me when i see no one..i'm tearing all by myself.can you see that?how long can i move on with a weary heart and soul?the bracelet that he given me broke today.i stare hard at the bracelet asking myself..is it time to let go?

weary heart and soul dont seems to allow me to move on..

what am i suppose to do..to bring back the smile that was 3 years ago..

i dont feel good bout it.

i dont feel good bout it.

i'm not feeling good.certainly not after being said by my aunt because of him.where's the usual me?where's the smile that i use to have?who can i look for when i'm in a down down state?sigh..out of a sudden,i'm tired.with a blank mind and soul...

hates!

hates!

i use to like gatherings alot.
but after this time, not any more.
out of a sudden..i just hate it.
count me out the next time alright?
fcuk.

Rejected.Lost.Why.Fated.

Rejected.Lost.Why.Fated.

received email from the sch today.well..being rejected.i guess i have expected all this when i was done for the interview.for right now,i have no idea of what's next.mind is in total hybernation.

feeling kinda of like emo this few days.lots of things happen.nearly went seperate ways for the both of us.maybe i'm the one who always repeating the same old thing.sigh.sometime i thought to myself will it be better if we went seperate ways despite being together for so long.but to say the truth..i'm tired.no one will exactly understand how i'm feeling now.yes.i ask for too much in this relationship,but to think back am i really asking much?

is there a place for me to run and hide my worries and sorrows?life is like playing chess.something happen,and it makes u lost the way of walking to the next step.and i guess i'm exactly lost now.will anyone tell me the next step?

The ugly truth that reveals every single lies.

The ugly truth that reveals every single lies.

i finally realized how ugly the lies are. and i certainly hope that u know what u are doing.those tears i shed are all silly.i never know how stupid i am when the ugly truth reveals all...

Iris.

Everyone of us changed.

Everyone of us changed.

i guess nothing in this world will be same forever and ever.everyone of us changed including me too.i thought so long as we bring the heart together,it will never change.but i was wrong.the friendship that i yearn for was the only thing that makes me move on.however the feeling dont seems to be there anymore.somehow i picture myself walking on the street alone..tearing.

Friendship

Friendship

all friendship needs was those basic respect. my dear friend, have u forgotten showing that?i dont want to get angry because of all this small matter cause i thought it wont turn back the time.i pray pretty hard that i will get over it soon as i dont want it to affect our friendship.tml is the day that i longing for and it becomes a day that i no longer wants to have.dont worry.i will still go as i've already promised you all.i will make it.i know u do not have the intention however it already happened. and it seems to become a knot in my heart..

yes.i'm upset.but i cant help it...

long long time!

long long time!

 

hahaha!is being such a long period of time since my last entry.work was kind of like alright ever since he left the company.hopefully everything can be back to normal.he left and gladys came.my new friend cum colleague cum toilet company cum EVERYTHING.she is really a nice girl except she got high very easily.will post her pic here soon.(:welcome aboard gladys!!had a steamboat dinner with my love ones over last last weekend.happy la.so long didnt see them already.and guess what.we are having a small bbq session this coming weekend.i'm so so looking forward to it.SATURDAY.pls come nearer pls.=D heh heh.had a mini bbq with bf and bro last night.oh no.i seems to be so crazy over bbq.hahaha!a little dance step with bf certainly brightens up my night.and i guess that is when i really hope i can rely on him for the rest of my life.(:alright i think i'm gonna stop here.oh ya.will be going for the examination tml.please wish me lucks cause i really want go back study.):tata.will we meet again.

Everything seems to be crashing down.

Everything seems to be crashing down.

''God always has his own plan for everyone.''

i couldn't remember since when i started to know the meaning of this sentence or should i say not too sure when i start to convince myself with this sentence.an urge of leaving the whole burden behind.but i know i cant be so selfish.maybe she was right.all along i didnt show any concern to the family.i was too in my own world.but mum,have you ever ask yourself am i really in my own world?i couldnt say that i'm the perfect daughter in ur eyes but pls believe me i'm trying my hard to be the perfect daughter u longing for.i thought i will be strong enough to fight back my tears upon arguing with her but i was wrong.tears rolled down eventually.i cried the whole entired night asking myself over and over again.why is all this happening to me?i know i've been letting everyone there worried just because i choose to shut myself.pardon me.i just want to be alone...at that point of time when i felt so hopeless..

thanks for the concern to those who msg/called me.appreciated and sorry to let u guys worries.

A warm-hearted gathering(:

A warm-hearted gathering(:

Happy advance birthday lincoln(:

they are lovee.(:

just came back from the birthday celebration cum gathering.it was indeed a warm hearted one.finally i gotten my passport!yesh man!can go for holiday lo.=D i guess i had quite a long day today.walking around with all the laughters.too tired to think what to type le.oh ya.today was Nic's birthday too.she invited me to go but i couldnt make it.):anyway wish her a happy belated birthday.hopefully she can have a lovely year ahead with all the wishes come true.=D

A new dress.

A new dress.

the new dress that i bought for myself.=D

the little flower of the dress!(:

finally is FRIDAY.happy.cousin came to my house for dinner.so long didnt get to meet her le.so happy.is like after so long and we get to see each other again.went city plaza for some dress hunting.oh no.my cousin's weeding is getting nearer and i have not gotten myself any clothes.shittttt~!i need to really slim down le.if not no nice clothes for me to wear.):walking around the place with all the shop closing soon.finally i saw something that i fancy alot.which is the dress above.i tried on it.and is nice!=D never gotten myself a dress.so this is the first one.not too sure whether i should wear it for the 姐妹thing or dinner time? meeting sec sch friends tml.weeee~looking forward to it.is been ages since our last met.will be heading down to ica for passport collection and then the meet up with trina!after which the complete gathering with the rest later in the evening.they are miss miss miss!!!=D just got to find out that HPY and da di no longer together.it was a peace break up.after trying so long still have to give up.i believe god has his own plan for everybody.maybe breaking up will do them good.i seriously hope they can found themselves bock.重新站起来，找回真正的自己。加油好朋友。10/10/09-a day that i've decided to put down everything.a day that i've decided to find back myself.a day that i've decided to treasure the love ones beside me.nights ppl.(:

P.S:pls get well soon Xuefen.and do remember that i cherish this friendship of ours since the day we started to know each other.enjoy urself tml.(:

hectic week!

 hectic week!

thanks for being there with me for this entire 3 years.(:appreciated.

 

i do love them still.(:

the days in banquet are truly missed..

and the KFC group too.when is the next KFC session??

our friendship will be priceless in life

 

9 years of friendship.and we are still counting on..(:

 

i'm feeling so hectic this few days!been staying till late at work just to clear those mails that i have not done in the day time.sigh!why time passes so fast??): sometime is just so tiring that i will just sit back at my chair and look at the photo frame on my table.is a lovee looking at it.(:it clears away all my blues. was msn with HPY just now.happy is only the word that i can describe.thanks for the advice and encouragement that you've given me just now.let's meet up soon alright?cause i seriously think we need some hearts gathering.(:

is there a housewife job somewhere?can i apply for it?hahaha.i want a new new job soon la!if not i cant leave the place that i am at now.oh god..pls help!!!November is coming way soon.and i will be attending my cousin's wedding in malaysia!woohoo.they are getting married after almost 3 years of courtship.hoping that will be the most beautiful starting of their marriage.(:

bro is having PSLE tml.i seriously hope he can do well for it. jia you didi. even though i like didnt talk much to you this few days but i do still concern for you.show me u can do it alright?i will pray for you.

A truth that i never want to know..

A truth that i never want to know..

was on leave ytd to settle my citizenzhip thing.thank god that everything was settled.just that i need to go down to ICA for the oath thing and case will be close.=Dbeen draging myself to work lately.not too sure what's wrong.everything seems to change.i'm no longer the usual me that will craps alot.i've quieten down alot lately.why?i dont know.maybe to u all i'm just being emo.but i guess i'm not.is just that i dont speak much now.alot of things seems to be in my head now.i cant get rid of them.i hate the feeling.i dont know who to turn to cause i guess no one will understand the feeling i'm going through now.not even when i said out...sigh..

i hate the ugly truth of every single thing..